Life’s always changing
One of things that really amaze me in SL is how fast it all changes… i presume is like a speedy version of the so called “Real Life” (even i think both are real, only in different ways). What is really important for you some day is not so the next one, maybe is we are still learning, like really tiny babies exploring the “adults” world (and i’m not meaning Zindra in this case *winks*).
And then it comes when someone you really trusted is not as honest as you expected, and someone who had to leave SL for personal reasons is back and you are really happy about it, and something you were worried because it was taking a lot of time to be done IS finally done and most of the old friends are always there and some new wonderful friends are there too. Maybe it all seems to be changing but some things don’t change, i will be always there, standing, smiling at the good things that always were there, at the ones that had to go but are back… and just ignoring the “not so good” things, because they are past, and as we say in my country “The water that passed the river can’t move the waterwheel”.
Tied up… or free again…
Long time no blogging, well, one month… but anyway my blogging “rhythm” has been pretty slow in the last months. Well not only blogging, also taking pictures and editing them, or making anything inside Second Life (i’ve been doing stuff, but not making stuff).
Soooo… here it comes one of those personal blogposts about thoughts, feelings, etc… confessions on a virtual world. 
In the last year everything started slowing down, don’t get me wrong, not sad about it, i just want to understand what happened, and sometimes the best way to understand is to try to explain. There are many possible reasons, first, i’m too self-demanding and often not happy with what i make. I took so many pictures and deleted them once edited, or wrote many blogposts or created many objects or builds and deleted them too only because i was not happy enough with them. When you have a period where you are not happy enough with most of the things you make you start to think that maybe you are good enough and after you deleted some number of things you wonder also if it worths it, the energy, passion and time invested. Then you just stop creating until you feel the need to do it again.
At the same time one feels sometimes like a slave of what one makes. You have to write blogposts, you have to take pictures, you have to do lots of other stuff and you have to live your life and meet friends and… and… and is not you have to meet your friends or live your life, is just you want to do it, but all together when you have a limited time becomes stressful because you feel tied, trapped, and at the same time you feel bad if you don’t do all you want to do… and i’m terrible organizing my time, he he he…
All this stress is because you want to please yourself… and at the same time please others too, but now i know i just have to please myself because is not possible to do it all at the same time for long. What i do and make in Second Life must not be a cage and that’s what changed exactly. All i want to do i’ll do it for myself, and i’m sure some others will like it… and some not, of course.
Oooof! I feel better now after saying all this! Thanks for listening-reading, finally it seems blog readers are the most patient listeners.
Only sometimes…
Only sometimes one feels he has nothing to say, or just doesn’t want to say nothing. Only sometimes one feels he has nothing to share, or just doesn’t want to share nothing…
In the last months I was not blogging much for some different reasons. Maybe the first lines in this post are some of this reasons, is not I was bored, maybe only a bit. Only sometimes one needs to sit and try to focus where one is going, or where one wants to go. For a time i was feeling lost someway, wondering why I am in here and if those reasons were still there… And sure they’re still there, but some have changed a bit, life is evolution so they are exactly not the same.
Possibly all this may sound confusing, but some of you will understand me for sure, is difficult to explain some feelings or thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, is not I’m depressed or something, is just when what’s around you changes you need to adapt yourself. At the same time some changes in my “other” life needed some adaptation from me too, after all these “two lifes” are not separated, are only two sides of the same, at least for me.
My main reason to start a blog more than one year ago was to express myself, to show what i like or what i’m interested in, all within Second Life. That’s why i’m writing this, as part of this need to express myself, and someway is, at the same time, an apology for the one who use to read this blog. I will keep blogging, speaking about what I like or dislike, showing clothes, places, whatever… and I’ll do it with more energy and new reasons.
Thanks to all the ones who read this, thanks for giving me all that energy… Only sometimes one says thanks… even he should do it more often…
Midnight ramblings
Is midnight here, a hot summer night. The windows are opened and, suddenly, a strong wind moves the curtains and slam one door.
Was in Second Life, with some friends, Silverdrake and Petr, visiting an art gallery. I didn’t like it, the photographs are really good, as the photographers, but the place doesn’t show the name of the artworks, no notecards or simple signs, too confusing and dark. Is also a bit too much “overdecorated” in my opinion so the attention on the works was being distracted by a lot of glowing objects. Just logged off, a part of me went to sleep and the rest will go too in some minutes.
I’m playing on my computer old David Bowie songs while i’m writing this. I light a cigarrette and smoke slowly, relaxing, looking at the screen, seeing how the words were flowing. Every time i take a look at what i’m writing for a post i think i should have a better english level.
Just before brushing my teeth and going to bed i push a button that says “Publish”.
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